Early this morning, I received a message from my mom, telling me that Grandpa Abe is back in the hospital with a serious brain bleed. Sadly, things look pretty grim at this point. I was, for the most part, not freaking out too much over the knowledge that things are this way, but I had a mini breakdown at work. One of my co-workers saw me and asked me what was wrong. I explained and she offered a platitude that, at the outset, seemed a little odd, but yet was very comforting.
As I explained to her, Poppy will turn 90 years old on Monday of next week. He's lived an amazing life and has seen so many things, both good and bad, happen throughout the course of his life. His life has been filled with love and happiness and, until the past couple of years, he hasn't dealt with much in the way of health problems.
That being said, we were discussing suffering and pain. And, as crass as it may sound, I told her that, if and when it's his time to go, then I'm ready for him to go. I don't want to see him suffer and I don't want to see him waste away to nothing. She didn't think that odd at all and, in fact, reassured me that she would feel the same way.
As she was leaving my office, she said to me, "Well, Meg, I'd tell you that I hope that your grandpa is alright, but if things are bad for him, I don't know that that's what I want. Instead, I'm going to just tell you that I hope that you're alright." She went on to tell me that she'll do anything within her power to help me, when the time comes, and offered a shoulder for crying, should I need it.
The day wore on and I thought more and more about what she said to me. You know, there are people who would think her wrong, but I don't -- not at all. I understand that she's wishing the very best, whatever that outcome may be, for my family.
When the day inevitably comes, my heart will break. I know that I've said it many times before and I'll say it again: I love my Poppy with all of my heart and I'll miss him more than the mind can possibly fathom. He's always been there for me and no one, no matter how hard he or she may try, will ever take his place.
1 comment:
Oh, Meg! Sorry to hear about your Grandfather. Isn't it the truth of life that sometimes what's best in life is hard, sad, gut wrenching, etc. It was never promised that things would be easy, comfortable and always happy...
I pray you, your mom, sis and aunts are filled with peace when that time comes. Your poppy knows how much you love him and how much he is loved by those around him. That should be comforting to him and help you live without doubt or regret when he does in fact pass. Thinking of you! Miss ya!
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