You Suck at Life!

This afternoon, as we drove home from running a few errands, my phone rang. The number was blocked. I refuse to answer blocked numbers, so I ignored it. It rang again, almost immediately. Again, blocked. Again, ignored. A few minutes later, I received a text from my father, followed up immediately by a phone call from him. I regret answering. Turns out, the first two calls were also from him. Damn him for calling me from his cell! So, why did he call? In a nutshell, it was to yell at me for not calling to tell him that my oldest nephew broke his hip several weeks ago. My response? Not my child, so not my business to call and inform him. I also informed him that I might have been inclined to call him, if he could ever be bothered to return texts from me, return my phone calls, or even just simply call me to say hi. Giant can of worms? Yeah...I opened it. See, over Christmas, I reluctantly agreed to meet him in a neutral place to pick up obligatory Christmas gifts. He pulled up, hopped out of his brand new Cadillac, and proceeded to rip into me for refusing to come to his house. This, of course, was right after he made fun of my brand new Kia. There we were, standing in a public parking lot, with people all around, while he yelled at me. Yeah, merry Christmas to me! Anyway, later that night, I was shocked to receive a texted apology from him, with a request to try to start improving our relationship. I agreed. Since that time, I've texted him no fewer than ten times. Since that time, he's responded exactly zero times. I've left voicemail messages for him, both on his cell and at his house. Yep, you guessed it - he's ignored each and every one. I brought this up to him during our call tonight. He informed me that I must just not know how to send texts or leave voicemail messages. Um, have you met me? I send THOUSANDS of texts each month! I told him it sounded like they were being deleted, if he really wasn't getting them. He told me that's impossible. Um, okay. This, of course, is also compounded by the fact that his wife is running for some local office and they're running an ad that talks about how much they enjoy spending time with their family, especially their nieces and nephews, on their ranch. No mention ANYWHERE of children and grandchildren! I confronted him about it today. Should I have? Probably not, but he put me in a pisser of a mood, so he had it coming. His response? If we ever came to see him, he'd acknowledge us. My response? If you could ever be bothered to acknowledge me, call me, or text me, perhaps I'd be inclined to come see him. It all ended with him yelling at me and hanging up on me. Now, I feel like total crap. I really thought I'd suppressed his ability to negatively impact me. He's a jerk and has always been a jerk. He's always played favorites and I never have been the favorite. He's always treated me like a second class citizen. I need to get over it. I thought I did, after he informed me he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public because I'm so fat. Apparently not. I've just got to remember that he completely sucks at life. I've got so many great people in my life that I truly need to boot him out. I'm not about to let him drag me down to his level. I refuse to suck at life. He can continue on without me.

Shredding the Fat

Several months ago, Jason and I both decided it was time to shred the fat and embarked on weight loss our own oh-so-fun weight loss journies. We're each doing it our own way, but the important thing is that we're doing it. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I learned that OKC is having a city-wide weight loss challenge, so I (and Jase!) have entered...and I'm going to win!

The winner gets, among other things, a brand, spanking new car. And, let's face it, I really need a new car and I really don't need a car payment right now. So, hello, extra motivation! Basically, they figure the winner based on the person who loses the largest percentage of weight over a period of 12 weeks.

Word on the street is that last year's winner lost around 40 pounds, which was about 20% of his body weight. So, the way I have this figured, my goal is to lose five-six pounds to week for 12 (well, technically now 11) weeks. That'll put me well ahead of where last year's winner ended, which should, I hope, put me in serious contention to win this thing.

Impossible? Nope. At least, I don't think it will be. Difficult? Oh, hell yes. According to some people, I'm destined to fail at my goal of five-six pounds per week. Obviously they don't know me and don't know what happens when I set my mind to something. Sure, I've said I'd lose weight before, but this time...this time it's different. I can't explain why, but this time, I'm serious and motivated and ready to do this. This time, I'm mentally ready to do this for me. And when I set my mind to something? Typically, I accomplish it.

To any non-believers out there, I have this to say: Week One is done. Results? Six pounds burned. Gone. Adios. Sayonara. I busted my butt to do it and my body and muscles still are aching, but six pounds are gone. And, you know what? Even though I hurt like hell, I feel better. I took today off as my first day of rest - and I've enjoyed it, but I feel a little guilty about not working out. I haven't decided if tomorrow is a day of rest, or if I'm hitting it again in the morning. Guess we'll wait and see.

And, let's face it...even if I don't win (and, even if I meet my goal, there's a chance I won't win the big prize), I ultimately win anyway, because this truly is all about me getting healthy. And staying healthy. The car's just a little extra incentive. But I really want to win. Really.

Bully

Back in November, I was assigned to write a new anti-bullying curriculum for work. Since that time, I've spent countless hours researching bullying, reviewing anti-bullying laws, and reading stories of people who've been bullied.

It's been a month or so since I came across the trailer for a movie entitled, simply, "Bully". As I watched the trailer, my heart began to ache from the horrific pain displayed in this documentary - and I knew I had to see it as soon as it arrived in OKC. I saw it today.

"Bully" follows the lives of several children from around the US who are bullied in a variety of ways - one of them is from Tuttle, Oklahoma. The movie also follows two families whose sons have committed suicide as a result of the bullying they faced each and every day. One of these families also is from Oklahoma.

As I sit here and type this blog entry, I re-read it and realize my thoughts sound kind of disjointed. I honestly believe that's because I'm still reeling from the movie. I thought I had an idea of what to expect, but I never believed it truly would be so...powerful. I honestly believe this movie has the ability to change lives. To change the way we view bullying. To change our thoughts. To change our actions.

It's deep. It's dark. It's depressing. And I think that EVERYONE needs to see it. Today. Because it makes you stop. Think. Re-examine your beliefs.

Bullying happens today. Bullying has always happened, but for some reason, it seems to be getting more fierce and violent today. We've got to stop it. Now.

It's not child's play. Need another real life example? My oldest nephew endures bullying because he's mixed race. This bullying has now become physical. Law enforcement has had to get involved. Guess what? That's no longer bullying. It's assault. It's violent. It's cruel. It's unacceptable.

Watch the trailer: http://thebullyproject.com/indexflash.html#/video

Talk to the children in your life.

Take a stand.

Make a difference.

Stop bullying.

I'm Tired...

I’m tired of the hate. I’m tired of the judgment. I’m tired of the bigotry.

From the time my sister and I were very small children, our mom taught us that all people are equal and all people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Yes, we grew up in rural Kansas, attended a Christian church, and went to school in a predominantly Caucasian community. No, we did not grow up with great wealth and affluence. We just had a normal childhood – and were raised by a fantastic, progressive mother.

I wasn’t raised to hate, so I can’t understand why there’s so much hate, judgment, bigotry, and intolerance in the world. It comes from all corners, too. Some religions don’t like other religions and choose to judge. Some races don’t like other races. Some heterosexuals condemn homosexuals. And what really kills me is that many of these people choose to hate and judge in the name of their religion – even though their very religion says they’re not to judge.

To me, the bottom line is that people are people. No one should be judged based on his or her appearance, lifestyle, religion, or anything else, until he or she has had a chance to prove/disprove himself or herself.

Do I like everyone in the entire world? No. But I’d like to think that I don’t pre-judge people based upon their characteristics. Typically, if I don’t like someone, it’s because he or she and I don’t see eye to eye, he or she is unkind or a bad person, or he or she is judgmental – and I always try to give everyone a chance first. Am I perfect? ABSOLUTELY NOT! If I said I was, you could readily call me a liar – and I hope you would.

I wish people could open their eyes and see that the color of a person’s skin is not a good indicator of his or her internal person; a person’s religion does not make him or her a good or bad person; a person’s sexual orientation doesn’t make someone right or wrong.

I’m just tired of the hate.

Oops!

Apparently, I've kind of abandoned my blog. It was completely accidental, so I'm staging a comeback. Well, I don't really know if it can be called a comeback, since I truly never left, but you get the drift.

A Powerful Weapon

Knives. Guns. Baseball bats. Clubs. Nunchaku. Swords. All are weapons and all, when used in the right manner, can be deadly, or, at the very minimum, extremely harmful.

But when I think about it, the most powerful weapon of all isn't an actual weapon and it can't physically kill or harm anyone. On the surface, it doesn't seem that powerful, but that's a deceptive facade, as it's actually incredibly powerful and damaging.

What is this weapon? Words.

Be careful with your words, for sometimes, even when they're said in an off-hand or joking manner, they may wound more deeply than you realize. And, much like the gun that's been fired or the club that's been swung, they can't be taken back. Yes, you can explain or even apologize, but the hurt's still there. And you know what? It doesn't always go away easily.

Crazy, Glittery, Trashy Vegas!

For the past three years, I’ve spent five days each summer in Las Vegas for work. I’ve never taken anyone with me, other than my coworkers. This year, though, I called my mom and invited her to join me; I’ve ALWAYS wanted to hang out with Mom in Vegas and this year, we made it happen.

Instead of flying in while I was busy with work, Mom elected to fly in on the last day of our tradeshow and we stayed an additional three nights. The beginning of our insanely fun girl weekend was fraught with complications, including no A/C in the airport, a super late flight, a lost cell phone, a hotel that forgot to hold our room, and an initial replacement room that looked like something from a horror movie, but we got the crap out of the way early on in the trip.

Sadly, even though we both took our cameras to Vegas and both have cameras on our phones, we neither one took a single picture. That’s a huge fail on our part, as documenting those memories would have been a fabulous idea.

We definitely made the most of our four days. We gambled up and down the Strip, visited Fremont twice, had fantastic balloon hats made at Margaritaville, spent way too much money in The Mirage at The Beatles stores, and slept very little. Oh, and we crammed in a bachelorette party and a wedding for one of my best friends, too.

I came home broke, but totally happy. I may not have won in the casino, but I definitely won in the mom department!

It seems like everyone these days talks about having a bucket list – you know, a list of things they want to do before they kick the proverbial bucket. I’ve never assembled a formal bucket list. Instead, I just know there are lots of things I want to do while I’ve still got time. I’ve done some of them, but nowhere nearly all; some have been amazing experiences and others haven’t been as fun. But this one? This one was a biggie. As I said, I’ve always wanted to do Vegas with my mom and it was more fun than I ever dreamed! And, yes, we’re already starting to plan our next trip. I can’t wait!

Second Place...

Remember those popular No Fear T-shirts from back in high school? You know, the ones that featured obnoxiously funny slogans? One of my favorites said, oh-so-snarkily, “Second place is the first loser.”

For years, I’ve quietly giggled over that saying, finding it meanly amusing – until today.

There’s no two ways about it – being second SUCKS.

Tornado Follow-Up

Here's the response that I finally received from the City of Midwest City late last week:

I am truly sorry for the problems you encountered on Tuesday. As you know Midwest City operates 3 public shelters and has a shelter manager designated for each location. The shelter at city hall was full that is why we had several people including yourself that were on the first floor and not in the shelter. Knowing that the Reed Center shelter was not full and knowing that citizens had adequate time to drive to that location before severe weather reached Midwest City I made the decision to send those not in the shelter to the Reed Center where it was confirmed that they were not full at that time. The City maintains its policy that only service animals are allowed in the shelter. Thanks!

Midwest City
Emergency Manager

I have yet to respond to him, but I seriously probably still will. I've been allowing myself a little time to cool down about being told that my life essentially didn't matter to this man. Don't get me wrong -- I'm super happy that we all were safe, but what happened was just flat unacceptable. And, honestly, I think this response is a watered-down, poor excuse of a response -- and one that I'm guessing this person was forced to make.

Shelter From the Storm...Or Not

The following is an email that I sent to all Midwest City, Oklahoma, City Commissioners, the Mayor, City Manager, and Assistant City Managers after I several of us were kicked out a storm shelter during last night's tornadoes, due to a lack of room. Thus far, I haven't received an answer. I'm hoping for a response soon. I'll keep you updated:

To Whom it May Concern:

For the past two and a half years, I’ve lived in Midwest City. When I moved here as a young professional, I did so against the advice of many friends who’ve lived in the greater Oklahoma City metro area for several years. Numerous people told me Midwest City was not safe, clean, or well-governed. I believed them to be wrong and have proven them wrong; I’ve enjoyed nearly everything about Midwest City…until last night.

Beginning Monday, central Oklahoma was warned about the possibility for dangerous weather. We were encouraged, even by the City of Midwest City’s official Twitter account, to have a plan in place, should dangerous weather occur. So, I set about developing my safety plan.

I learned that Midwest City provides three public shelters, so I called the City’s switchboard for more information. When I asked if I could bring my small, calm, vaccinated, dog in a crate, I was told, unequivocally, no – but more on that in a minute. I decided I’d leave my dog in the closet and seek shelter at City Hall, should the need arise.

With a plan firmly in place, once the sirens began to sound last night, I left my house and headed for City Hall, upset over leaving my pet, but reassured by the fact that I’d be safe. I got to City Hall and saw numerous people flocking in the door, many with pets. I joined the line and went inside. There was a major jam of people, so I couldn’t get down the stairs, but from my vantage point, I could see that people could easily make more room in the basement by crowding together. About 20 of us stood in the hallway upstairs, away from glass, figuring that was better than going back to our cars.

You can imagine my complete and total shock when we were told, even while Tinker’s sirens were sounding and meteorologists were warning people to take cover, that we had to leave! We were told, in no uncertain terms, by a City of Midwest City official employee (wearing an official polo-style shirt with, I believe, an Emergency Management logo) that we were not allowed to stay. When I questioned him, he told me he “didn’t care” where I went, but there wasn’t room for us at City Hall – when, quite obviously, the people downstairs could have moved closer and provided more room.

Luckily, I knew there was an additional shelter at the Reed Center, but, let me tell you, that’s not too much comfort when the sirens are sounding and you’re driving through pouring rain, all because someone “didn’t care”. Obviously, I, along with several other people, arrived at the Reed Center and was safe, but that doesn’t change the treatment that we received.

Are your Emergency Management employees truly that poorly prepared? Do they need to watch videos and review the stories of people from Joplin who were killed while in their vehicles? Or, to bring it even more closely to home, stories of those who died yesterday while driving down I-40 in the storm? Do they need to be taught that a vehicle is one of the most dangerous places a person can be during a tornado?

I would like to commend the staff at the Reed Center, as they were obviously well-prepared, kind, and caring. It was an orderly scene, with workers helping those with pets, children, the disabled, and the elderly. We were kept updated and everything ran very smoothly. When more people needed shelter, we were told to move closer to each other and make room for them. To the best of my knowledge, NO ONE was turned away. The Reed Center DEFINITELY needs to be used as an example for other tornado shelters.

Quite frankly, though, this entire situation has me re-evaluating my decision to live in Midwest City. Perhaps I’ll heed the advice of my friends and move to Oklahoma City or even Edmond, where they truly seem to care about the safety of their residents.

I hope you’ll take this email to heart and implement some much-needed training for your employees. There need to be policies and procedures implemented, including one for pets. Otherwise, I’m awfully afraid that there could be storm-related injuries or fatalities in the future, if this treatment and attitude continues.

Midwest City, I’m disappointed in you.

The Soundtrack to My Life

I love music. Maybe it's because I believe that music is, essentially, lyrical poetry. And, obviously, I love poetry. My musical tastes are pretty eclectic, as they range from the Beatles to Eminem and Don Henley to The Fray and pretty much everything in between. So, I'm taking a challenge that I saw on another blog -- I'm putting my mp3 player on shuffle and explaining the first five songs that play. Why? Because I think it sounds interesting.

Song one -- Sundown, Gordon Lightfoot: Why is this song on here? I don't really have a specific reason, other than liking Gordon Lightfoot. When I was a kid, my mom listened to him, so I suppose it's partially because it takes me back to my childhood. Guess that explanation isn't too exciting!

Song two -- Dear Mr. President, Pink: Gotta admit, this is a pretty heavy song. I'm a huge Pink fan and also am extremely interested in politics. I'm a registered democrat and I'm NOT a George W. Bush fan, although I did vote for him the first time (I'm tremendously ashamed to admit that now, though). This song says so many things that I felt, especially towards the end of his term -- so very many things that I had difficulty putting into words.

Song three -- Without Me, Eminem: This is one of those songs that I just like for no real reason. It became popular when I lived in Pratt and one of my coworkers loved this song -- and if you knew him, you'd probably be surprised. It was the first Eminem song that I really liked.

Song four -- November Rain, Guns 'N Roses: Oh, Guns 'N Roses...takes me back to sixth grade, Teen Town dances, and sneaking into my sister's room when she wasn't home to borrow this tape. She loved GNR, my mom hated them, and I pretended to be indifferent, but I secretly liked them.

Song five -- Cat's in the Cradle, Harry Chapin: This song...this song has so ridiculously much meaning to me. It's not a secret that I have an essentially non-existent relationship with my father. Apparently, when I was a little girl and this version of the song was popular, it was one of my father's favorite songs. I always wanted to spend time with him and he never had time for me -- and my mom always cautioned him that the lyrics would come true. In a way, they have. Interesting.

So, that's pretty much it -- a portion of the soundtrack to my life! This was interesting for me -- maybe I'll do it again some day.

Slot Machines, Deer, and Bikes

One of my closest girl friends and I have established a recent tradition -- hitting Fire Lake Grand Casino one Wednesday night a month. I guess maybe you can't really call it a tradition yet, as we've only gone twice, but it's such crazy fun that we swear we're going each month.

The main reason we go on Wednesdays is because every Wednesday is Ladies' Night at Fire Lake. That means you get $10 in free match play on your Player's Club card and, if you have the handy-dandy little coupon that they send you each month, you get ANOTHER $10 in free match play.

The first time we went, we walked out after a couple of hours, both between $100-200 richer. The second time we went, I walked out $311 richer and Jenn was ahead, too. It definitely was a success!

On the way home, we had a deer play target practice with Jenn's car, but luckily, we all escaped unscathed (except the poor deer). It definitely shook us up, but it still didn't dampen our enthusiasm on going again.

After a ton of debate, I finally decided what to do with my second batch of winnings (the first went to pay doctor's bills and prescriptions, thanks to my third bout with bronchitis this year). Yes, I could use a new cell phone, but instead, I decided to buy a bike. You read right...a bike...and I don't mean a motorcycle.

I've wanted a new bike for several years and have plans to start riding to work and around town for simple errands. I looked at bikes at WalMart and Target, but nothing seemed very comfortable. So, I started doing research and finally decided I'd be better off spending a little more and getting a truly high-quality bike.

Poor Jase listened to me rant, rave, guess, and second guess myself for hours and also went shopping with me. After two weeks of shopping and countless hours of research, I finally narrowed it down to two bikes. Then, finally, last Saturday, I pulled the trigger and bought this:



It's a Trek 7100 -- a hybrid bike -- one designed for comfortable riding on streets, paved trails, and even some non-paved trails. I bought it from Al's Bicycles in Edmond (whom I HIGHLY recommend) and will get to pick it up this weekend. I'm so very excited!

It's a Home, Not a House

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be inside a very nice house -- notice, I didn't say home. It was decorated impeccably and there was neither a speck of dust nor an imperfection to be found. It was beautiful...but very, very cold.

I don't yet own a house (am happy renting for now), but I do take pride in my home. I love to decorate and think I actually have a knack for it...albeit in a different manner than a professional iterior designer. My home is decorated with items that are uniquely me -- vintage items from the 50s and 60s, a red pleather chair, "ugly" lamps, tons of photos, and other random items that I happen to love. It's by no means a showplace, but I love it.

When I think about my house and it's quirkiness, I sometimes wonder if I should grow up and decorate in a more staid manner...focus less on my unique items and more on what looks good to society. Then, I realize that it's me...my house is very definitively me. It's fun and interesting and unlike anything (or anyone) else. I love that my friends can walk into my home and be comfortable. I love that people don't need to worry if they get dust on the floor when they walk in. I love that I have a home, rather than just a house.

Sure, I could change my style and have a more beautiful (but safe and boring) house...but then, to me, I'm afraid that it wouldn't be a home. It just wouldn't be me.

So, for now, I'm keeping things as they are and enjoying my home. While I may not have the absolute nicest things of anyone, they're mine and I love them and they make my house my home. When you walk into my house, there's a good chance that you'll find an extra pair or two of shoes by the door and some dog hair on the couch -- but that's my normal...it's my home.

After all, one of the best compliments I ever received was from a friend who hadn't been to my house in several years. When he walked in, he told me, "Meg, your house always feels the same -- it's just so comfortable and truly feels like a home." Indeed!

I Want My Rose-Colored Glasses Back!

Las month, snow, ice, and Arctic temperatures have pretty much had the state of Oklahoma at a complete standstill. The majority of Oklahoma is not prepared in any way, shape, or form to deal with snow and/or ice. In addition, probably 98% of Oklahomans panic when forced to drive in any type of inclement weather (including rain), so the roads have been, at best, dangerous.

Last week, I heard a news bulletin on the radio that eight individuals had been involved in a horrific car accident in far northeast Oklahoma – near Miami. (They all were in one vehicle, which wasn’t a good idea to begin with, since it wasn’t a large van or SUV, but I digress.) They were driving down the Turnpike and somehow flipped their car over the edge of a bridge and into an icy river, some 60 feet below. Three of the eight died – two from the impact and one from hypothermia – and the remaining five survived, all in serious condition, with broken bones and hypothermia.

The media soon began showing photos from the scene, including photos of the Chevy Avalanche they’d been driving, which said “Enrique” across the top of the windshield. Within seconds, the comment sections on the news websites were filled with hateful comments about the ethnicity and citizenship of the individuals in the SUV. The things said were unbelievable and horrible – things like that the injured and dead were probably illegal immigrants, so they deserved to die. They literally took my breath away and made me sick to my stomach.

What in the world has happened to humanity? Common human decency? Compassion? Have we, as a society, become so jaded that we don’t care about anyone besides ourselves? It makes me sick to hear people say things like were said in these comment sections. It makes me sick to see people rush to judge others based on their skin color, name, ethnicity, or anything else that truly doesn’t matter. It just makes me sick.

Several years ago, I was accused of wearing rose-colored glasses. That’s obviously no longer the case. I’d like to think that decency and compassion could prevail in this world, but apparently that’s not the case. There’s so much hate in the world today and I just don’t understand it. I don’t know how to change it. Sometimes I wish that I still was wearing those rose-colored glasses. Life would be a lot more pleasant.

Justifying Your Actions

As a child, I was raised attending church. I faithfully attended nearly every Sunday, essentially from the time I was an infant until I graduated from high school. I've attended sporadically since then, although not as faithfully -- and definitely not as much in recent years because I somewhat question religion.

The summer after my sixth grade year, I attended church camp. I remember having a really good time, swimming in the lake, dancing to old country songs, and having a crush on the absolute cutest boy I'd ever laid eyes on, but I don't remember a ton else about camp...except the lyrics to a song we learned: One Tin Soldier.

The chorus of the song still sticks with me today:

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away."

The past two weeks have been two of the more difficult weeks I've experienced in recent memory. In fact, I can pretty much say they've been about the worst I've had in years, save for the week we lost Pop.

So, what's the connection between this song and the last two weeks? The person who's made the last two weeks so difficult for me has done so and then used the fact that she's a Christian to defend her actions.

I'm no longer the devout Christian I once was and it's largely because of people like this individual. I have an incredibly difficult time listening to someone claim to be a Christian and then watching them do things that are SO un-Christlike that it's nearly impossible to fathom.

If there truly is a god, I have to believe that, when the judgement day comes, he's going to have a field day with people like this -- those who do horrible things and then claim to be doing them in his name. It's just so wrong.

So, as the song I learned so long ago implies, go ahead and do whatever you will to me...and do it in God's name. Do it. I may never be able to see you encounter the consequences of your actions, but I truly believe that you'll eventually have to answer for your behavior. Somehow, someday, somewhere.

366 Days

It's been 366 days since you left. I was going to write this yesterday, but I had a good day and was filled with happy thoughts and memories of you, so I waited because I knew that I'd be sad if I truly thought about how much I miss you.

I can't believe that it's been 366 days since I last talked to you. I know that probably doesn't really count because you couldn't respond the last time I called, but somehow, in some way, I have to know that you knew it was me on the other end of the phone.

In some ways, the past year has flown by. Like everyone says, the holidays were difficult without you around. This was my first Valentine's Day in years that you didn't send me chocolate...or at least a card. Since I was old enough to remember, we spent Independence Day with you (as long as I wasn't traveling for work, as I've done in recent years). I was in Las Vegas this year for work, but I thought about you -- and had a hard time not crying all day. This was my first birthday without you. Seeing as my birthday's the day after Independence Day, I had a couple of really hard days.

Most days, when I think of you, I smile -- I remember your twinkling blue eyes and booming laugh. I remember how much you loved me. There are days, though, when knowing that I can't pick up the phone and call you breaks my heart.

I miss you so much, Pop. I wonder if you'd like my tattoo that I got in your memory. I wonder if you're proud of me. I wonder if you found amusement in the Exit sign that inadvertently hung above your casket in the funeral home, due to fire martial regulations. (Somehow, I think you might have appreciated the irony.) I wonder if you'd be amused by the fact that I'm seriously thinking about taking a hunter safety course this summer so I can hunt deer with Jason next winter, even though I'm still not sure I want to actually take my own deer. (I have a hunch you'd be tickled.)

Next year, when it's been 730 days, I hope that my memories of you are still as sharp. I hope I can still hear your laugh and see your twinkling eyes. I know that time will dull the pain, but I hope that it doesn't dull my memories of you.

Most of all, Pop, I hope you know how much I still love you.

Giving Thanks

Turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cream cheese corn, homemade rolls, gravy, cranberries, pumpkin pie…Thanksgiving just tastes so sweet! I have to admit, though, I’m not particularly excited for Turkey Day this year. So, while I’m not necessarily excited about the holiday yet, I’m determined to get myself in the spirit.

Honestly, I AM looking forward to having a couple of days off, if for no other reason than to relax and spend some time with friends. I’m not going to Kansas this year because I was supposed to work the day after Thanksgiving – and that’s just way too far to drive for a meal. So, I’m staying in Oklahoma and probably will be joining Jason and his family for the day. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll be joining Joel and Mary and their crew for lunch; if that’s the case, I’ll just plan on wearing sweat pants and rolling myself home – and then not eating for about four days after!

Then, you have Black Friday…the shopping day to end all shopping days! I was supposed to work, but I *just* found out that we get the day off this year. Whoo-hoo! I’m going to try to get some shopping done.

After that, the Christmas countdown begins in earnest. And I can happily say that I AM excited about Christmas this year! I’m going back to Kansas for the first time in what seems like forever and will be spending several days with my family and friends. I hope to make a stop in Wichita and see some friends I haven’t seen in a while – especially Roy and Lisa and their adorable kids. I LOVE Christmas and all that goes with it – the cooking, baking, shopping, wrapping, sneaking, surprising, laughter, smiles, good cheer, and more. All in all, I’m looking forward to all of it – including NOT seeing my father.

But, let’s rewind a minute – since I’m having a hard time getting excited about Thanksgiving this year, I decided to start thinking about things for which I’m thankful. So here, in short order, are some of the things for which I’m thankful this year:

My family – They say you can’t pick your family, but if I could, I think I’d keep most of mine (at least the maternal side). I’ll even keep some of the fruits and nuts because they add spice to life.

Jason – I’m pretty much the luckiest girl in the world to have such an awesome boyfriend.

Tess and Tanner – There’s nothing better than a puppy hug at the end of a long day!

My friends – They say you can’t pick your friends…wait, that’s your family that you don’t get to pick. In all seriousness, I’ve got some of the most amazing friends in the world and they really ARE my second family. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

I’m thankful for so much more, but I don’t want to get sappy here – and I’m definitely not going to be like the person at work who’s most thankful for the fact that “The Sooners suck less than Texas this year.”

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

Bibles and Bras

Ahhh…Oklahoma…land of the hypocrites!

Deeply entrenched in the bible belt, most Oklahomans love their guns and their god, while they loudly and proudly proclaim their distaste for religions other than Christianity, homosexuality, and anyone who dares to be pro-choice.

So yesterday, the announcement was made that the Lingerie Football League was interested in bringing a “team” to Oklahoma City. According to the articles I read, the LFL is comprised of teams of women who wear lingerie (duh) while playing football. A few other major league cities have teams and they believed their next location should be Oklahoma City. It took approximately 3.48 seconds for OKC Mayor Mick Cornett to offer up a resounding “Hell, NO!” to the idea of a Lingerie Football League making its home in our city.

How do we get to the correlation between devout Christians and Mayor Mick’s rejection of the LFL? Well, it’s like this…Mayor Mick’s rejection was met with massive amounts of hostility – people seem to love the idea of the LFL coming to OKC and are enraged that he’s blocking their attempt to develop a local team.

Wait…this is the bible belt, right? If we’re filled with truly devout Christians, then why in the world are we so angry that our mayor doesn’t want to allow in a “team” that focuses on extremely scantily clad women, beer drinking, and other “immoral” ideas – a “team” that is extremely degrading to women? To me, it seems that a true Christian wouldn’t want to see something like the LFL in their state…but, then again, it seems like many Oklahoma Christians are hypocrites – it’s the whole do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do mentality.

While Mayor Mick hasn’t given exact reasons as to why an LFL team wouldn’t be allowed to play at either the Cox Center or the Arena Formerly Known as the Ford Center, there are thought to be several – including the fact that the entire LFL is in a major financial bind and appears to be on the brink of financial disaster. I truly don’t think that he’s trying to infuse morality into our city – if he was, then I doubt he’d be such a huge OKC Thunder supporter, what with their equally scantily-clad Thunder Girls. I believe it’s simply a matter of making a sound business decision.

Political Vomit

Excuse me while I spew a little political vomit. This is mostly just my stream of thoughts right now, so it might not all pull together well. I think you'll get the idea, though.

Last Tuesday, my state experienced a major change. (Actually, our entire country experienced a major change, but for the sake of this post, I'm simply thinking about my state's change...and that, honestly, is a whole heck of a lot for me to absorb.) For the first time in state history, the majority of all elected State of Oklahoma offices will be held by republicans, come January. And, to be brutally honest, it scares me.

When I moved to Oklahoma more than five years ago, I was excited to learn that I was moving to a primarily democrat-led state. I soon figured out that Oklahoma democrats basically are just democrats in GOP clothing, but there still were a few true democrats out there...a few like me...a few *true* liberals. While those true liberals are few and far between, it's always made me feel at least a little better.

Two years ago, we, as a nation, elected our first democratic president in eight years -- President Obama. We all knew that he was inheriting a huge mess from the previous eight years, but I believe that most of us had great hope that he could get our nation back on track. Fast forward two years and it seems that almost no one is happy with President Obama. He hasn't accomplished as much as I'd hoped, but realistically, I understand that it took us more than two years to get into this mess, so it's going to take a heck of a lot more than two to get us out.

So, last week, due to massive amounts of unhappiness with our nation's administration, people flocked to the polls. Sadly, this unhappiness manifested itself throughout the entire elections -- both locally, on a state level, and nationally.

In Oklahoma, every single elected political administrative office will now be held by republicans. After January, there will scarcely be a democrat to be found in the state capitol, save the few in the House and Senate who managed to be elected. We ousted some perfectly great democratic administrative officials (insurance commissioner, for one) based solely on the fact that they are democrats. Instead, we elected a very conservative governor who's tight with Sarah Palin...a lieutenant governor who's primarily concerned with making all abortion illegal...and more.

Oh, and we also passed some seriously ridiculous state questions, including one banning the use of Shariah Law and/or all religious and international law (anyone stop to think about some of those little treaties -- you know, like the Geneva Convention?) and one mandating the presentation of official identification at the poll (wait, that happened to me last week anyway). Lawsuits already have been filed regarding the question disavowing the use of Shariah Law. There's no doubt that this new law is unconstitutional and will not hold, but, hey, let's pass it anyway and then spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight it in court! It's not like we're not already in the middle of a budget crisis!!!

I'm worried about what's going to happen in the next several years. I'm afraid that the already monsterous gap between the haves and have nots is going to get even more insurmountable. I worry that we're going to continue to try to take away rights through numerous means. I'm concerned that we're going to increase the amount of xenophobia in this state -- and, let me tell you, we don't need any more than we already experience! I'm worried that things are just going to get worse.

I have to wonder how we're going to make it through the next two-four years. The only thing I can hope is that, come next election cycle, people will be unhappy with this new "change" that they voted it -- and that common sense will prevail and we won't become our own worst enemy.

Choosing to be Happy

Contrary to the popular saying, life isn’t always a bowl of cherries…at least my life isn’t! I have awesome days, I have crappy days, and I have days that are just, well, days. I long ago learned that some situations are great and others are not-so-great and, while I can’t necessarily do anything to change my situation every single time I don’t love it, there is something I can control – my own personal happiness.

Sometimes life doesn’t give you exactly what you love – your current job may not be your dream job, you may live in a city that doesn’t really feel like home, or you may want to weigh more, or in my case, a whole lot less. There are things that each of us can do to affect change in these situations – look for a new job, make our house and city an actual ‘home’, or exercise to gain or lose weight…but it’s sometimes hard because these things typically don’t happen overnight. Rather, they take time, dedication, and perseverance. And, of course, there are always things that can’t be changed – someone’s opinion of us, the temperature outside, and the color of the sky. We just have to learn to live with those things.

So, what do I do in the meantime? I try to make the best out of every situation. There’s almost always something positive to be found in every life situation, no matter how dire it may seem. To that end, I CHOOSE to be happy. Sure, I really want to lose weight, but instead of sitting around, whining about being fat, and letting life pass me by, I’m working on it slowly and still enjoying all that life has to offer. Sure, it would be easy to mope and pout because I can’t wear the cute jeans I bought three years ago, but I’d rather enjoy life – albeit in a pair of pants that’s a size larger (and they’re still cute). Life’s way too short to let it pass me by! So, now it’s up to you – are you going to choose to be happy or are you going sit around and let your current situation take away from your potential happiness? I’m choosing happiness.