Sucker Punched

Within the past few weeks, I know at least three people who have been diagnosed with cancer. Happily, one is expected to have a good outcome. Another has a slightly less bright future, but still has some hope. And the third? Well, the third has me feeling like I've been sucker punched.

When I saw my phone flashing with a text alert this evening, I instinctively knew that the message wasn't going to hold good news. I had no idea that I'd learn that a man I've known for the last ten years has been diagnosed with terminal, Stage IV, liver cancer that's totally inoperable. He's got six months to live.

I'm just sick to my stomach. I can't even put into words how shocked I am right now. I've lost friends and family to cancer before, but for some reason, this has just hit me hard and I can't really pinpoint why.

I think part of it is because he's such a happy, friendly, kind, loving, and outgoing guy. I met him and his partner when I took my first professional job out of college -- and we immediately became friends. I haven't seen either of these guys much in the past six years, due to my various moves, but we always exchange Christmas cards. I have a picture of the three of us that sits on a table in my living room -- and they have the same picture of us up at work. Every time I look at it, I smile.

From what I've been told, he's remaining very positive about his situation. He doesn't want everyone to know because he doesn't want people going out of their way and making a big deal over him. In fact, he's such a trouper that he's been given pain medication and he's planning on continuing to work until he absolutely can no longer handle it. But I cannot imagine what he's really feeling inside.

I'll eventually get my head wrapped around this and quit feeling so shocked. I want so badly to call my friends, but I want to wait until I'm in a better mindframe. Hopefully I'll be able to call them this weekend.

Side note: I realize that this is somewhat long and rambling and I'm very sorry. I just need to get this off my chest.