A Little Less Bright

Tonight, at least to me, the world is a little less bright. My Grandpa Abe (Poppy) passed away this afternoon, just barely a month after turning 90. My heart is hurting so much right now and I want nothing more than to have a hug from someone I love. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in Florida on business right now and can't get back to Oklahoma/Kansas until tomorrow around noon.

Pop wasn't in very good health for the past six-12 months. It's been very hard for me to reconcile myself with this fact, but when he suffered his first stroke back in August, I told myself that, while I wouldn't have him here forever, I will always have my memories. And what great memories I have...

The way his bright blue eyes would twinkle when he was teasing me.

Watching and cussing KU basketball and Royals baseball together.

Seeing him be so tickled over sharing his homemade caramel popcorn with Tess.

Him coming by my house to surprise me when I was living in Emporia during college and again when I was living in Hillsboro.

The smell of his stinky old King Edward cigars and his aftershave/cologne.

Knowing that he was proud of me and, no matter how ugly I might feel, that I was beautiful to him.

Drinking wine one spring afternoon with him (and several other family members) in his living room. (He and I were the only ones who liked the wine, so, consequently, we drank most of it.)

Watching his eyes light up when I took him a can of honey-roasted peanuts last time I saw him (he was in the hospital after his first stroke and asked me to bring him "a surprise").

Him wearing and loving his "dude cap" all day last Christmas.

Oh, god, I'm going to miss him...I already do. I hate knowing that I'll never see him again...never hear his loud and sometimes gravelly voice. I'd give anything to have just one last day with him...one last day where he wasn't sick and suffering, when we could just sit in the living room and keep each other company.

I know that there are people who didn't think he was as wonderful as I did...and that makes me sad. They don't know what they were missing.