An Epiphany

I try my best to be a good person and a good friend. While I'm the first to admit that I'm not always perfect, I do my best to remember things and dates that are important to those I love and try to make a point to see my friends if I'm near their homes, especially if I haven't seen them in a long time.

Even though I've got the best of intention, I do sometimes forget these things because of everyday life. I don't mean to and know that it's simple for things to slip my mind when I'm busy -- everyone has a lot of things on their minds. Why, then, does it upset me and make me feel less-than-loved and less-than-important when people I love either essentially forget my birthday or can't be bothered to call me when they're vacationing less than five miles from my house? After some serious thought, I've come to the conclusion has to do with the fact that my father, who no longer really plays a role in my life, did these things to me frequently when we still talked -- he would be just miles from my house, but wouldn't come see me, and nearly every summer, he forgot my birthday -- no present, no card, and usually, not even a phone call. Every time, it hurt me and made me feel like I didn't matter...at all. And, even though I fight feeling the same way when someone I love accidentally does the same thing to me, it still tends to creep up and rear its ugly head.

It makes me feel so incredibly immature to have these feelings. I'm an adult. My birthday is just another day and I don't need presents or a big celebration. Vacations are a time for resting and relaxing and I'm not so important that I need to be included.

Okay...enough brooding and feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to go take a nap because I think some sleep will really help me. I was in Vegas part of last week and most of this week for work and I got very little sleep. Since coming home, I'm still been, oddly, too keyed up to sleep well. A nap should help me shake these stupid feelints and get on with my life.